World of Jonathan berman

Luna and I lit a candle in the window for our dear Neptune, I know she misses him, and it means so much to her that he's gone, and I see her looking around for him... so I just want to be there for her, and let her know she'll meet her buddy again someday.

Neptune's Afterlife Social Worker came to me and asked me, "What happened?" and I said, "I was just trying to do right by Neptune." and the circumstances, I mean he was peeing in all the wrong places, it was difficult and he did so well for years being indoor/outdoor. He had a cute heated house on the porch, and I checked on him constantly... and he loved it so much when I would go for a walk, cos he would walk with me, and jump up trees and make me watch him like a joyful child... and I hear a voice say, "Yeah yeah, I get that, but you should have kept him inside", and that's when I feel the karma of his beautiful innocence, his Joie de vivre on my fingertips like an ethereal fabric of truth, and I feel pretty bad... My heart cries, my eyes heat up like I'm brewing a hope in my head. My throat gets tight, and he's gone. and my fingers aren't touching him, they're touching emptiness... and within that emptiness is the fullness of love that we called Neptune.

When I breathe heavily in sadness, I am reminded of how he died and I feel so responsible, and I wonder, what do I do with that feeling? I don't feel guilty per se, but I do wish I could take it back, and have him back, not for me but for himself.

When he was wandering around confused and I would just hold him close, or he'd be paddling his little legs and rolling his head, the intensity of which I willed healing for him, and though ultimately all I could do was comfort him, and carry him to the window and love him unconditionally with every fiber of my being, I could not undo what had been done.

We must be preventative... we are so quick to think we are right when taking a moral high ground, but it is hard to see the fall when it is obscured by the clouds.

And I will look for him in my dreams and between the seams of this world, and I will rest my head on his lap the way he did on mine each night when I go to bed, to say thank you and wish him well, in the eternal replies I see in the rolling wind that is Neptune telling me, "I'm alright."

(Jan 12, 2016 4:22 pm est)

Well you did give him everything he ever wanted. A good home and being able to explore. He would not have been happy being in doors all the time. He touched us and we will always have that. Neptune will never be replaced. He will always be in our hearts for ever. 1 special cat. (This coming from a person that didn't like cats)

Rose Barranco I don't mean to be insensitive when I say this, but u said YOU WISHED U DID IT DIFFERENTLY , NOT FOR U, BUT FOR HIM.. but Neptune wqs happy outside. . He loved exploring. I have watched his video several times since u uploaded it the first time. He had a great life .. I can guarantee that he wouldn't have wanted to be an indoor cat. He needed that time .. his time. His adventures were his. And he did what he wanted. It's unfortunate that he had to pass, but if u had a rewind button I am sure if u asked Neptune
He wouldn't say to press it.

Jonathan Berman That's true, he had such a unique perspective, and he was able to share that and teach with it in in his own beautiful way and I am thankful for that, and we have his photos, and videos, like the work of an artist, and I'll always cherish the memories of that beautiful, loving, crazy, adventure boy smile emoticon

John Liwa It's all right to feel guilt and regret, just feel it. It's not Your guilt or Your regret, it's just guilt and regret. Counterfactual thinking is natural right now. All the would'ves, could"ves, and should'ves. Just watch them come and go and know that you aren't alone.

The beauty of the fallen snow and the post Neptune era I want him to experience with his loving way, would not be the same if he were here, the era would not exist, so I was meant to go through this and experience this, in the end, Neptune did so much for me, and the way for me to be thankful, isn't to dwell on the unchangeable past, but to hold that jewel up in the moments of my life.

Neptune died in my arms this afternoon, in his home by the open window, looking out over a beautiful vista of fresh snow and blue sky... he flew away from his body like a bird set free. (Jan 12, 2016 12:40 am est)

Neptune just passed away in my arms. I watched him shake off this body. (Jan 11, 2016 2:48 pm est)

I held him by the open window as he breathed his last, the beauty of the fresh fallen snow before him and the clear blue sky, and he shook his leg quickly a few times, like he was kicking off an old shoe, and then he was gone. (Jan 11, 2016 3:09 pm est)

Thanks everyone, the last words Neptune heard were I love you, we love you, you're ready for what's next. (Jan 11, 2016 3:10 pm est)

Barring some miracle, Neptune will be leaving us this afternoon. Maybe he can catch David Bowie's flight... or walk up that spiral staircase together... maybe Kelsey is waiting for him somewhere, over the rainbow... I love you Neptune, always. (Jan 11, 2016 1:00 pm est)

I learned my lesson, i was naive, Neptune was fully loved, and he loved being outdoors, but I know now I should have kept him in, but he peed in all the wrong places, he was very difficult to keep in, so I put a cute house on the porch for if it got cold, and he loved, so it seemed to be the perfect situation for him... unfortunately, all the dangers out there caught up with him. (Jan 11, 2016 1:26 pm est)

The light that shines through the cracks of a broken heart translates all songs into understanding... (Jan 11, 2016 10:45 am est)

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred veterinarians could ever do
I bless the rains down for Neptune
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

I put the eyedropper of diluted wet food to his lips and he drank, opened his eyes, and rolled his weary head into my lap, to comfort me. (Jan 11, 2016 7:17 am est)