December 31, 2013


Happiness is the art of bringing joy to somebody else.


December 30, 2013


I just had a very powerful memory... when I was little, I would lay in bed, listening to the even, reliable ticking of my first watch... clutching a tiny, boxy, black AM transistor radio that my eldest brother had given to me, and listen intently to old time radio shows, I loved those programs. Fibber McGee and Molly, The Shadow, Inner Sanctum, and others I forget the name of, the commercials particularly were very funny, like carnival tickets to a real time machine... Lipton, the brisk tea! or Camel cigarettes, the brand chosen by more doctors than any other brand... sometimes it's like we can hide in the innocence of the past... but also honor their memory as well, glean a little something beautiful long since forgotten, blend it with what we are today, and create something wonderful...I still dream, I still believe.


December 28, 2013


You have seen much suffering my friend, I hope in its way it becomes a blessing to you, for pain is the fire that alights the brightest of beacons, and you were meant to be a light unto men.




Bilbo, I can relate most with the reluctant adventurer who questions his own courage, who is afraid, but who with intelligence, creativity, loyalty, and love, helps his friends, and is in his own way, a compass for the faithful.


He reminds me of Piglet




The true beauty of the lord of the rings is expressed when in the end, even after all they had done, the hobbits, the meek, the smallest amongst us, bow in humble and unassuming respect... the king tells them they bow to no one and everyone bows to them... absolutely beautiful, without a doubt one of the most poignant scenes ever made.


December 27, 2013


To be a well-armed man is to wield a perfectly sharpened pencil.




Just because a jigsaw puzzle has 7 billion pieces, doesn't mean yours isn't as important as all the rest.


People's value cannot be comprehended by the limitations of our human senses, and every effort to do so limits them and us.


Here's a tip for all you potsmokers out there, though I quit ages ago and believe fully in natural, sober highs... but one day many years ago, back when I partook in the doobage so to speak, I found a tree at the park behind the library, the kind with really thick, malleable bark, and removed a large piece delicately, carved it into a pipe without changing the shape mind you, so that after you use it, you could place it back on the tree and just use it whenever you wanted to, without having the perephenalia on you at all times... if Sweet Genius was a cannabis show, I would be a Sweet Ganja Genius. Pro tip. Have a great day!




December 26, 2013


Never believe that all you see is all there is to experience, for that is surely the road to apathy and ruin.




I'm going to blow your mind... I mean, why not? So first, a little backstory... in The Hickhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a computer is given 7.5 million years to succinctly come to a simple answer to the question of life, the universe and everything. Now, that answer is 42, but when asked how he derived at such an answer, Douglas Adams said in interviews that it was completely random, but I think he lied... I think there was a very simple, mathematical way he came to such a seemingly arbitrary, but clever summation to such a vast, rich, incomprehensible question... and one day, many years ago, I believe I cracked the code... and I will share it with you here... and now.

life, the universe and everything when broken into numbers and equations looks like this:
4, 8 and 10, further still it breaks down into 4 * 8 + 10, or with the standard use of the Order of Operations... 42.

And there you have it... simple letter counts and algebra.... and it didn't take me 7.5 million years to figure out, only about 30. Thank you, and have a nice day.

I love how ultimately the human interfaced computer to come to the ultimate question turns out to be Earth, but it was destroyed just before it could tell anyone the question.




Sometimes when you're waiting for the door to open, it's the window that opens instead.




The best thing about documentaries is that the only obligatory love story is that between man and nature.


December 24, 2013


One day, much in the way we simply mix primary colors to discover new colors, mankind will mix primary senses to discover new senses.




The only things that just come to you are those which are already in your orbit.


December 23, 2013


I have seen the darkest gutter underground abyss of despair, the dystopian idiocy that seems to run the nations, the sheep so blindly happy and unaware, getting upset at the pettiest of things, self important, irresponsible, and slaves to their own ignorance and misunderstanding, cleaving to religion and comfort lies in the darkness, looking for heat, afraid of fire... it can be incredibly overwhelming, but what keeps me going through it all, is the awareness of a deeper truth, that lies dormant in many, unseen in the world, like walking past trees without ever seeing them, love letters in rain to the illiterate, and that is the separation we all feel so intimately, clutching in despair to the search for something, that search based in the illusion of that separation, that ultimately is unreal, but only dictated by the limitations of our senses and that which we have been conditioned to perceive as reality...


There is beauty, and we can choose it or darkness, each moment.


Heaven and Hell are not places we aspire to, but states of mind we feed like children in the household of the mind.


Follow your passion, and your road shall ever be lightened, your boat quickened, and your joy ever present.


December 22, 2013


Butterflies don't see very well, therefore I am starting a charity fund to start a program for seeing-eye cicadas for blind butterflies, where we will train cicadas and butterflies to work together utilizing cicada's natural melodic abilities to lead butterflies over difficult terrain, like fences and gravestones. Send all donations to Jonathan Berman, 4362 W. 48th St. Cleveland, OH 44144


December 21, 2013


I need one of those twelve step programs, but one that's designed specifically for people who are addicted to using commas, online.


December 19, 2013


Sarah Silverman is what you get when Mad Magazine's Spy vs Spy has a love child with the cartoon female Woody Woodpecker


December 18, 2013


God gave me a microphone, but I ate it, because I realized it was a carrot and the audience of my insides were crying out for more.


December 16, 2013


Dig deeply into your mind with a shovel of silence, past layers of black and white noise, through the rich dark blood-red veins of truth that run through you, and into the open arms of the void.


December 15, 2013


Some people just want to be entertained, they don't even have to pay attention, their lives are background noise, but me? I want art to change me. I want to walk through the fire of my experiences and afterward, look back and see a part of me smoldering on the floor.


December 8, 2013


Man's a junkie, begs the man to kill him and care for his son.
Son grows up can't handle the lie about his father leaving him becomes a junkie, begs the man to kill him and care for his son.


This is the vicious cycle of violence that underlies the show Sons of Anarchy. It's these dark undercurrents of the best shows that remind us of why the romantic draw, the dark edge of reality that can look so glamorous, the sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll... so often leads to self-destruction and the death of all those you hold dear.


A cautionary tale is medicine for the real world. So many people just can't handle it, so they turn to comfort lies, religion and empty bullshit. like holding hands on the beach to clean up an oil spill... sometimes you gotta get your hands dirty, if you want freedom and not some idea of comfort slavery masquerading as freedom.


December 6, 2013


Your real friends don't say, "Man! Look at that ugly cloud over your head!", they say, "Man! Check out that silver lining!"


December 5, 2013


We are never satisfied with the gifts we are given, whether with a word or practical expression, we must improve upon it, if we cannot, the failure is reflected in our self-worth. I must come up with something better, and yet, the gifts I give are often exactly the same, of which I become offended if they are tested, questioned, altered or injected with unsolicited "support", who am I? Why I'm everyone in the world, and this is our pandemic of egocentricism we must actively wave goodbye to, just let it drifzt away on down the stream, for it does not serve us... we have better tools now, within each of us, it is our own special alchemy, to take the things we find mundane, hold them dearly, and with understanding, transmute them into gold. The path is not one of battle, of bigotry, of hypocrisy or conflict, but communion, sharing, empathy and love.

Beauty is only skin deep, lasting beauty, self confidence, self-love and appreciation must be cultivated like a bonsai in a secret garden... keep it light, keep it silly, rejoice in life and find a passion in the arts in which you can express all your emotions, and have gratitude in what you have each moment.




It's not the package but what's inside that matters, you could put seasalt chocolate in the ugliest wrapper, it wouldn't matter, we're after the good stuff inside.


No one can convince you of the quality of your wrapper, it's all perception in your own mind, it's a waste of time... what's important is you look at yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would give others... anything else is just asking for attention.


If you want to feel better about yourself, forget yourself for awhile, start doing things for others, there are so many who need help right now... that's how you cultivate a warm heart, by helping start the fires of others in need... life isn't about serving ourselves, but a shared journey we take together.


December 1, 2013


Sometimes when I'm depressed, and it seems like I have no one and no one cares about me, and I've tried for so many years to reach out, to help others, to follow my path, to live my dreams, and it doesn't seem to matter, I try to be as silly as I can, like I'll start scat singing silly nonsense like a muppet, or do some tai chi and stretching, get the blood flowing, get out the kinks, the stuck energies, it's like negativity is a dam in our energy flow, built up by tiny gremlin beavers living in our blood streams... creativity keeps me insane (oops I meant sane), out of my head, then I feed the cat and think, I'm a total crazy cat lady-man, until it comes to me... what can I do right now that furthers the dreams in my life? Then without stopping to think about it, I go do them. Because once you've done it, and you're on the other side of it, you do feel a bit better about things, and then we're more open to sharing our lives with others, and appreciating all of our blessings, the little things, but things many don't have, a roof over their heads, internet, clothing, (wow, I thought I just said internet clothing, what is internet clothing?), a cat, a dream, a living breath... gratitude is the gateway to all other blessings.




Doesn't it just seem wrong that we can go into any grocery store of thousands, hundreds of thousands perhaps in the United States and find fresh produce, meats, dairy and staple foods, yet so many are starving not just right here in America but all over the world? I mean we have so much and so many have so little... it doesn't make any sense. I don't have a lot, but when I see one person struggling, my first instinct is to help them.