April 6, 2016
If you want to heal wounds, be there for your kid. You'd be surprised at how well it works. A shame so many think the way to heal from the past is to ignore it, and hope it goes away. Funny that... the past is not a there thing, it's not a thing you run from, it's a bouquet of feelings and memories that you embrace...
April 7, 2016
I am not an Atheist.
I do believe in God.
But I believe this song is vital to helping people wake up to the God of the Corrupt. Tear away all the dross, the illusory world, and embrace a God that is love, a world that is light, and a dream that we are living now.
I loved Old Time Radio so much when I was little, and am so happy to have found a wonderful OTR community online to keep this love alive.
In the late '70s and early '80s I had a little black, boxy transistor radio my brother gave me... and I would cling to it in the dark under my covers listening to old shows like Fibber McGee, The Shadow, Inner Sanctum, and others... I particularly loved the commercials...
It was such a "snug in the woolly cotton brains of infancy" time for me, innocent, curious, mysterious, magical...
I'm so happy we can keep this magic alive always.
There are moments I literally don't know what to do with myself... and every possible direction comes with a sacrifice... these are the moments to stop, Breathe. Be grateful. There is nothing to be done here, in this moment... you are doing what needs to be done... all these choices are distractions at these times, don't jump to them, just sit... stroke the face, type the keys, dance with the wind only you feel, so intimately... hear the words that fall, like rose petals on the cheek, of the one who loves you. Be the one who loves you.
April 8, 2016
People say that those who wear fedoras are douchebags, but do you really feel that way, or did you just hear someone say it once upon a time and buy into it through confirmation bias? I can assure you there are fedora wearers who are douchebags, and many who are not... it's a hat, that is all. You create what everything is with your intentions and behavior... lets not live by programmed reactions to the world, lets investigate everything for ourselves, we do not have to live in judgment, we can live in understanding... don't let the world put a cap on your ability be compassionate, and to seek understanding...
There are primal longings that express as hunger, so you feel hungry, but then when you stop and think, "But am I hungry?" You're really not. Victimhood to escape responsibility. Purchase to replace pleasure. All these "hungry ghost" mental attitudes must be uprooted, so the real work can begin. And the world is designed to reinforce these senses of lack, and their pre-approved, packaged and marketed antidotes. Don't be fooled... you don't need them. The cigarettes. The alcohol. The conscious-constricting, slave-creating forces at work every day in your life, and you're going to work twice as hard to drive out of that ditch, to stop and remember your true nature outside the grasp of those vices, those "virtues", those ideologies, traps, illusions all... why?
Because you must be free of illusion to express your empathy, your compassion, your ability to help others all hinges on the clarity and available energy that was before wasted on all these prisons of the mind. This is the place of darkness, the light to see your way through is in you. Now I'm going to make some coffee.
A large percentage of what you read on Facebook, you have read before. You have posted before. We move forward in elliptical orbits in our growth.
April 9, 2016
A tiny star fell in love with a distant world, and every night the tiny star waited for the sun to come home and bring the moon back to him.
One day there was an eclipse and not understanding, the star thought the moon had left him. But the next day there she was again looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
How easy it was for the star to love the moon, she was perfect in her dance of light moods, her mysterious disappearances that made him long for her so, and her loyal reliability. As she ever returned to him in arcs of light and heat... twinkling in the heaven, vibrating with his heartbeat.
And they twinkled together like starlings in flight, two yet one, singing the song of the lonely whale, no more to hear, but listening and understanding in the silent temple.
April 14, 2016
I think about the people who dislike my using Gofundme to help straighten out my financial life, and while I don't feel it is any of their business why I feel my reasons are valid, I try to see adversary as an opportunity to learn, about myself. I complain too much, energy wasted that could be better spent, and I know that. I am working around the clock, because I believe the future I am working towards is better than I could ever dream, and everything I hope for...
but the reality is my job abandoned me, and I was generous to a lot of people, because I am a generous person, with or without money, but I didn't plan ahead, I didn't plug getting screwed over as a variable in the plan, and now I'm stuck, not really stuck, but the help I ask for is out of a sincere desire to change my life, and I don't see anything wrong with asking for help. I love being able to help others when and how I am able... and perhaps I haven't given people much of a desire to help me, help us. And for that I apologize. Some have gone so far as to unfriend me over this, to say they're disappointed in me. To abandon me, and our friendship, or family.
We all must do what we feel is right. I just wanted to let everyone know in full disclosure, honesty and transparency these last few days, because it has been weighing heavily on my mind. Anyway, perhaps those who understand kindly, sympathetically, will say "Of course!", and those who are against me, will not be swayed, I know you can't change some people's minds no matter what you do. But for those who just want to understand, message me, call me, you can talk to me, I am an open book.
I know I can be a bit out there, silly, joking and over "the line", offensive even... it is never my intention to be... healing, unity, our human fellowship, the wellbeing of another, that is my soul motivation. For my exploration of what is over the line, what is a blind spot, what is unexplored, what can uproot bias, and fear-based thinking... etc. I do what I do like all people, with many motivations, self-preservation, kindness, compassion, I don't want others to feel alone.
The point is, we are not relying on gofundme, or being lazy in its pursuit... we are both working very hard to make the money, Linda teaching, me running my own business, contracting media, and running my Ebay and Etsy stores... but it is better and wiser to use all my options that I feel in my heart is the healthy choice... and I hope you believe in me, because I believe in us, and I know I'm worth it.
We are simple, we are conductors, we are creators, and together we will change the world.
We are a conduit... for bringing heaven on earth, for lack of a better word.
Energy we tap into through our root chakra, enters our sexual center as amorphous and creative potential, and we can use that energy as sexual impulse, but we can also raise that energy up, more than our usual amount, into our will center, through a desire for something greater... it enters our heart through our passion and compassion, through our voice where we express it and cultivate the higher pursuits of creation, compassion, letting go, altruism, freedom for all beings, true reality as One... and yet, society does not want us to be liberated, it is a threat to the corrupt powers that be, and so...
Both men and women are being oppressed at the doorway of awakening; our sexuality so that we don't raise that energy, Kundalini up, find that elevator within our spine, our inspiration, find the source, God... We are kept in a stupor with legal pharmaceuticals, cigarettes, alcohol, and a myriad other fronts, while consciousness-expanding lifestyles and products; meditation, cannabis, psychedelics, education, healthcare, regulation on corporations, these are all suppressed, so that we can be more fully controlled... and the entertainment industry lulls us into a deep sheepish sleep, where we fall in love with this sense of lack we are taught we have, this original sin, this sickness, and we become fighters against our own self-interest... sheep fighting to remain sheep.
Thankfully, this is a prison we can escape quite easily. We just need to focus, breathe, and love. Once we refuse to be afraid of what we are, and our personal truths, and harness our potential... we will realize that we are unstoppable.
April 15, 2016
What if Jesus and other figures like him are merely a red herring crafted by the powers that be, so that when the law fails you, as corruption assures us it will, instead of turning within to create real empowerment and inspire substantive change, people will turn to imaginary beings that have no real power, and no real change can ever come? No threat to the powers that be...
April 16, 2016
The Earth is our mother, and she creates trigger resetting medicines for itself and us, so that mindfulness, self-awareness can have a fighting chance against the extinction events it has grown accustomed to, and now fights to prevent again... Cannabis, Mushrooms, LSD, DMT, Auyasca... all these medicines which expand consciousness to give us a fighting chance against tyranny of little, scared minds are made illegal so we cannot rise up... while consciousness-constricting elements are all legal... the fast food, alcohol and cigarettes, sexploitation and horror... anything to keep us mollified into sheepish apathy and lethargy... but we know the truth, and we will rise, and with open hearts and minds, with eyes set towards a compassionate future, we will change the world.
If we teach meditation starting young, perhaps we can avoid the necessity for any intensive resetting medicines at all, but for now they have their use, and should be respected as such.
I'm always curious with the experimentation of a multi-pronged attack, concerning healing of our environment and bodies... for example, Cannabis is just one of many natural anti-infllamatories. Turmeric, Fish, Whole Grains, Almonds, Apricots, Asparagus, Avocado, etc... coupled with singing by a large ionizing water fountain, surrounded by tall, growing cannabis plants which put out a ton of oxygen.... I imagine a scene like that would be both beautiful and healing.
Daredevil season 2 is amazing... the quality of TV is as high as you could ever hope in nearly every genre... but perhaps the strength of our distractions are only evidence of the strength of our hidden potential... We must not be afraid of what we are, nor feed from the poisoned well. We are the architects of our heaven and hell.
Daredevil formula, take a blind guy who can see with an almost spiritual sense... polarized angel with the visage of a devil? A love interest with an inherent darkness, a teacher with a very grey side, throw in a tortured vigillante, and if that's not enough, lets toss a few ninjas into the mix just for parkour and giggles... then you get what Daredevil is all about... what I always loved about Daredevil even from the time I was a kid, is that he's a cerebral man, a meditative man, not a flawless superhero, not even really a super hero, but a man with trained and honed heightened senses... he is what we all must be... smart, courageous, with a strong moral compass. I always looked up to Christopher Reeve more than Superman.
Elektra is to Daredevil what Dark Phoenix is to X-Men... the beauty that must die. The sacrifice at the cornerstone of all religions. How quickly we forget the sacrifice, our suffering born of attachment to the beauty, and not in its brief but noble flight through our sky.
Live not for your appetites, and neither chase to good or away bad, but rather seek balance and gratitude all the days of your life... follow not your thoughts down the stream of life's dreaming, but adorn yourself with the mysteries of the world, that you may be enlightened by their beauty, a gift to give another who seeks along the way.
April 17, 2016
Every belief is a religion. A stone in a pond. But don't worry, I could be wrong... or, I could be... admiring a thought... I prefer to admire a flower.
April 19, 2016
They say you can never go home, because what you return to is not the same as what you knew... but that is a lesson in letting go, and it is just part of the story... the truth is we all return home, one way or another.
There is an inherent GPS within our coding that says, end where you began... and we see this in so many cultures... whether it's Indians returning to Varanasi, or the Maori people, indigenous to New Zealand... people return like drops of water to the sea, whether they return through meditation while young, or through dying while old... it is in us to return, how we get there, is up to us.
I usually abhor an over-explanation and digging into the psychology of archetypal horror themes, beyond an overview of social, or political catharsis, such as John Carpenter's Halloween, Japan's Godzilla, and Abram's Cloverfield... it is easy to overdo it, in a way that constricts the power of the idea, and kills the depth and open space for personal understanding, case in point, Rob Zombie's Halloween... but The Bates Motel does such an extraordinary job with Norman Bates. Freddie Highmore and Vera Farmiga are so amazing that any amount of concern is immediately put to rest.
I watched that apology video by Johnny Depp and Amber Heard on deceptively not declaring their dogs when entering the country... and it felt like a terrorist hostage video without the guns... Depp's brief, scripted sentences peppered in over Amber's emotional overacting came off as both wooden, and perplexing... She felt genuine, he felt robotic, and emotionless... not what I was expecting actually. She speaks of Australia's beauty like a tourism brochure. They broke the law, they put together a hollow apology probably not their own idea, and won't go to jail because they made the video. I'm sure others will see this video differently, or at least speak of it differently... but I tell it exactly as I see it.
Nervous habits... they're not easy to break all at once, but that's not how you break habits. You start with this moment now. Maybe you have insomnia from it. Maybe you bite your nails, or your lip, or cheek, maybe you brush your face, or pray, whatever it is... slow down, watch yourself, each action is a heart written letter to the world... it speaks of your situation, your state of mind, your needs... listen to what you are putting in your letter. The mind projecting these stories upon your body, let them be told. Don't worry about the stories, feel the dance of the body, as it tries to dance with the music of your stories... your thoughts. The body is a natural dancer, but it gets tripped up, tangled in the stories... the thoughts.
Imagine you are a piece of hardware and the stories are playing like a cassette, recording the moments of your life, and calculating them, reaching out with their power... like tentacles of a sea monster... Leviathan.
If everything you do is a letter to the world, then everything you experience is a reply.
April 20, 2016
I won't waste my time anymore on people who communicate with me in a way that is not kind. I get enough scrutiny from myself.
There are some people who no matter how high the road you take with them, always trying to reach and do the nice thing, it's never enough, because in their story you're the bad guy and you being the bad guy makes them feel better, so it makes them more angry if you are "cool". So in the end, just be yourself.
This is how I see it...
This is like using a language interpreter, when the person speaks your language.
Now I get it, some people aren't ready yet, they need the motivator to inspire them to action... in fact, we all do this with our own personal or acquired ideology... but in the end, they are all Dumbo's magic feather... they're illusions... but in a way they are basics and fundamentals... and perhaps like in music, we must first learn the fundamentals before we can let them go, like dancing to music on the radio until you learn to create your own music within to dance to...
I dunno, just some bullshit I'm thinking about.
When they say other countries look to us to lead the way, I imagine what they're talking about is the desire for peace, and while our Democracy has problems, it's a hell of a lot better than in many parts of the world, and we must consider ourselves very fortunate to be here. And if it be our responsibility as self aware beings to help this world, surely our brothers and sisters, all over the world is part of that important work.
April 21, 2016
For I have seen the good and bad in you. The good was real. The bad was just what you're struggling through.
Almost everyone I talk to has a very bleak outlook on the future. But I don't. I believe there is clear evidence to show that humanity is actually moving forward by leaps and bounds, and that this evidence is being lost in the cacophony of all the world's problems, particularly the ones that have only gotten worse, amplifying and magnifying them, to utterly distort our perceptions, and cast a shadow on the beauty of this world, and our lives, and our true purpose and potential.
Refining yourself doesn't mean ignoring more and more of what bothers me, it means embracing and learning from them so your outlook can grow to include them out of compassion, not to exclude them out of sorrow, and fear... the self-induced tyranny on the self and perpetuated on the world.
The world is constantly sending us exactly what we are looking for, yet we ignore them or throw them away, because we fail to recognize their significance.
April 23, 2016
On Social Anxiety...
I've seen a lot of friends I care about on Facebook talk about social anxiety lately, and as being no stranger to that, I thought I'd share my personal thoughts, not on my experience per se, all of our experience is unique and rich with detail... so I want to just talk about what helps me.
What helps me is not thinking too far ahead, just staying present, in the moment and really owning your space, and your own vision and perspective, and presence... when you're comfortable in your skin right here right now, well every moment is just its own here and now, breathe, and smile at your world, if you have gratitude here and now, you aren't dwelling on what makes you anxious. Just breathe... Find your flow... and trust it.
Oh, and try not to take shit too seriously ;)
I asked my mom if she would lend me some money to buy new glasses, she said no, so I bought two pairs, because I may be struggling, but I'm not weak.
April 24, 2016
The reason you should never be offended by a comedian. The reason comedians make jokes about difficult topics isn't because they think the topic is funny, rather they find them so heartbreaking that they must use all of their abilities to create a healing pathway though them and want to take you with them.
The difference between a religious idiot and a spiritual idiot is that the religious idiot believes they have the right to point fingers and judge others under the guise of freedom, while the spiritual idiot believes they have the duty to embrace and love others under the guise of freedom.
April 25, 2016
The light at the end of the tunnel... Do not wait until death takes the illusion of a tunnel away from you to see what light has been with you all along.
Everyone is running a short program on an endless repeat... break out of your mold, journey out... explore your world... be surprised, amazed, embrace new music, and bring yourself back to life... if you've been saying the same tired shit for too long, it's time to switch things up...
April 26, 2016
I find it fascinatingly apropos that the night I'm watching a show about the four horsemen of the apocalypse, there's a torrential thunderstorm in full swing outside... the lightning and the rain is painting a beautiful array of light and shadow, as a backdrop to nature's symphony.
I've been complaining so much about the fake relationships in my life that I've started sabotaging the real ones. It's time to stop complaining and start appreciating.
It's easy for our generation to say love is not what you say it's what you do, but for those who were never loved, who didn't learn to love themselves, finally being able to say the words was a big step. Maybe one day they too will put those words into action, but until then, the world will be split up into two types of people... those who say the words looking for their substance, and those who show it to them in their compassion for them.
April 27, 2016
We are all a little crazy, and those who know that are the lucky ones... those who cling to a very specific, compartmentalized sanity, are like grasping at sand... the tighter your grips, the quicker it slips through your fingers... to be creative, to be sane, to be free, to be human... is to hold loosely to the reigns, on the horses that we ride towards death... the horses of mortality... such beautiful horses too don't you think?
April 28, 2016
The Son/Daughter, The Father/Mother, The Holy Ghost... these are all within you. This is one thing Christianity got right. The son represents the inner child, your core innocent, full of curiosity and potential. The father represents the mature, objective adult, your core educated by experience processor of ideas, and the holy ghost represents the pure focused will of your connection to all things... and together they form the trinity of your being... one can be an atheist and still experience and harness these physical aspects of themselves... just as a flashlight harnesses light... you simply need to turn yourself on, focus your light, and direct your will... we are one, let us embrace that oneness with love.
Most people don't listen to understand, they wait for you to stop talking so they can say what they want to say... I guess the only thing you can do in such moments is remain silent, like a rock in flowing water.
April 29, 2016
I find it helpful even for me, or especially for me, to go back and read some of the things I wrote before, we all can use reminders now and then, and going back is like handing ourselves a baton, and when we go back and read it later, it's like we're finally taking the baton from the past into the future. That's why reflecting on things is so important and powerful, and why so much of our lives seems to be cultivating not doing that... we rush around, stress over money, etc.. worry about ideologies, what's expected of them, holding on to fear built armors, we move too fast... we need to slow down, appreciate our lives more, and each other. get to the heart of the matter, right to the beautiful part.
I chopped down the sign that read "Don't Complain" because feelings. I embraced my feelings which turned to smoke before my very eyes. I moved with intention, slower than before, and the world told me a living and interdependent story. To get what you must from a story, you must listen, you must be mindful. You must lighten up. Let laughter shake your compass loose. I'm working on me, by thinking of you.
I think Mike Seeba has the best philosophy on life. One aspect of which is based on a very simple, yet profound idea... and that is simply... "No enemies anywhere." Winston Churchill once said, “When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” And I have often said in years past, that if we take responsibility for how we think and feel and interact with the world, we cannot be a victim, we cannot be slaves, un-empowered, weak... we become masters of our own little molecule. When we complain, we are talking about things happening to us... now obviously this excludes situations of abuse, of rape, etc... but where we are able to look at a situation with mindfulness, with kindness, with a seeking for understanding... we have choices.
Don't try to be perfect, try to be honest, and kind. To be mindful, and appreciative of your time.
Purple Rain is playing at my local AMC theater, but like when it first came out, I have no desire to see it in the theater, rather I prefer local stores to play it on their instore monitors, because I, even as a 12 year old, felt that was a much more powerful statement.
Meditation should be taught starting at a very young age.
Sitting by the ocean, appreciating the natural beauties in life... nakedness, silence, our small and fragile, yet masterful strength and grandeur...
Our responsibility as self aware being perhaps as gentle and compassionate custodians.
I take black and white photos of personal things, to keep an aspect of it private.
April 30, 2016
Distance makes the hard grow fonder, and the star grow brighter. What if the light we see is simply a refraction of a distant star shining so longed for that it becomes the sky?
For Linda Sennett ~
Just sitting here by the open window,
the whisper of rain on my mind.
The haze, the air...
and feeling you everywhere.
It makes me glad out of all I gave up
to come this far,
I didn't sell my Larrivee guitar.
That I still hold love in my heart,
the place where you