January 30, 2016
[11:53a] Lets see.... work is slow, no orders, anywhere, on Ebay, Etsy or Sell, when I make music it doesn't sell, my family doesn't reply to emails, and they think I have an addiction to spending, because when I actually made good money, I spent it... but they don't understand I mostly didn't spend it on me, I helped others because I could, but they don't recognize me as a generous person, they just think I have problems... and I never hear from them. Damn. No one calls, writes or emails. This is the situation as it stands... seems a little bleak, but I can't afford to move to a place I can work on my music at night when it strikes because my roommate goes to bed at 7, my mom would rather go on expensive trips and pour money into her home than help her youngest son when he needed her, nothing new, she didn't even come looking for me when I was homeless and 15. Like I said... it looks a little bleak, but when I reinvent myself and fly away from these eggshells, don't think for a second that I'll turn to look for you, because you didn't turn to look for me when you had the spotlight and I was the one lost at sea.
January 29, 2016
[7:26a] Family abandons you sometimes, not because they don't love you, but because they can't afford to love that which reminds them of the life they've run away from. They love you, they just love their life without you more.
[4:50p] Typewriters are to computers for a secretary what pen is to a pencil for a crossword... something we never think much of is how perfect and skilled women had to be to be considered half as good as men, while getting paid less, and paying more for their comparable products. Being a woman sounds much harder than being a man... bearing children, getting your period, this equates to extra expense as well, so if anything women should be getting paid more to offset these extra costs...
People like to talk about privilege being a myth, and wage inequality being a myth, but they're not myths... Chivalry is not sexist, it's respect, to the divine mother, to the earth, to those who give us life, this does not mean men cannot be nurturers, and woman cannot be breadwinners... at that level we can be egalitarian... but abilities are unique, bodies are not equal, but where we can find strength let us appreciate strength, and not physical strength, but strength in all its forms... be in tune with your own strength, and love one another equally.
January 28, 2016
[12:45p] There is something quite powerful about watching a series based on books I read when I was a kid... it is as though a sleeping dove within me stirs, and shaking itself awake, caresses my heart with its wings.
[8:14p] Those who see light through a window, should not doubt the love in their heart it awakens, simply because another looks and sees darkness.
[10:44p] In 1962, one might sit on the floor in one's room listening to records late at night for entertainment and inspiration... and in 2016 my record player sits on the other side of the room, while I sit here watching and listening to a girl in a show that takes place in 1962 explain how she's just sitting on the floor in her room, listening to records... and I am drawn into her life out of a desire for a simple, and pure relationship with life... and time and space begin to spin like the cogs of a great machine of wheels on ever descending stairs... and I have entered an MC Escher'ized experience, and it feels a bit like poetry, and art, but not as a a thing to be satisfied by from afar, hanging on a wall, at a safe distance, but rolling through my bones, heating my breath, and tumbling through fire... alive and vital, and demanding.
January 25, 2016
[3:35a] Let us speak the truth, but in order to do so we must recognize when we are living in truth, and that doesn't mean comfortable, that doesn't perfect, that doesn't mean pain-free, it means the truth. Truth makes the mirror on our lives more clear, and communication more than sound, it becomes resonant.
January 24, 2016
[10:59a] When I was alive you neglected me, you were just looking out for yourself.
But now that I'm gone you care so much, but again, you are just looking out for yourself.
What you do in life is the truth, in death, it's just an excuse.
[12:12p] Not only should no one be surprised by this storm, everyone should be grateful... first of all, winter came late, so common sense dictates it's gonna come on strong and fast when it finally does show up, and we must also look to the reasons why this happened, and I tell you it's climate change. Overcast in Hawaii where it never is was caused by a disruption in the trade winds, caused by ecological catastrophe at sea, clogging up the gyres, we need to clean the oceans, earth and sky... we gotta do this or we're all gonna die. It's past time, corporations gotta get their shit together, and if we can vote for someone who gets us there, then that's who I'll be voting for... Bernie Sanders, but I'm not convinced anyone can pull us out of this environmental tailspin... I don't think it's too late, but I do think the rich won't allow it, they'd rather get themselves to Mars and leave the rest of us here so they can keep their wealth, then do a damn thing to save their own backyard. My only hope is that when they do finally abandon us for good, that the meek who inherit the earth, help our beautiful planet reset itself, we reset ourselves, and we overcome the ensuing anarchistic apocalypse that arises... the first few generations are going to be really hard, but I bet by the year 2112, we'll be pulling out our RUSH albums again, and celebrating a new world. I wish I could be around to see it.
[4:56p] Most people embrace the world as it is because even though the alternative is to live in truth, it is also to live with the only certainty being death, but the reward is a depth of love that the embracers of the status quo will never comprehend... and I'd rather live a life burning with uncertainty and passion, than lukewarm acceptance and covert slavery. You either live with your fear, or embrace tyranny.
January 22, 2016
[11:45p] Straight Outta Compton
I'm white, not by choice, shit just happened that way. I only understand my own problems. I believe racism is very real, look at modern day Hollywood, giving awards to Lady Gaga in AHS and Matt Damon in The Martian... now I have nothing against those two actors, in fact I like and respect them, but those two roles were awarded cos it made a lot of white people a lot of money to do it... I can go deeper into backing that up if I have to, but that's beside the point.
I grew up in many ways, on the street, I met a lot of African American Vietnam Vets, and they taught me a lot about life, about surviving, about opportunities in life they didn't get because of the color of their skin... women too, still dealing with a lot of these problems today.
I have compassion for all, I empathize with struggle, I understand as best as I am able.
I have the luxury of being my own worst enemy... I thought we were all our own worst enemies really... well, unless you're Jewish in Hitler times, or a rape victim, or Black, or a woman wanting control of her own body, or a girl in the middle east... hmmm, I guess I found my white privilege.
Friends turned me on to a lot of great music too, but I was never hard, never had to be, riding around, I had respect for the attitude, but I didn't own it, that's my white privilege, opportunities a few feet off the ground... but I'm for all people, all love baby, all the time?
January 21, 2016
[10:46a] There is a difference between questioning everything and questioning everyone. Ideas should be met with scrutiny, people should be met with kindness.
[12:31p] Society is primarily designed for those who work during the day.
Society is primarily designed for right handers
Society is primarily designed for straight white men
Society is primarily designed for people with money
So I'm starting a charity to support African American left-handed lesbians who work nights
We do not take monetary donations, we only take positive comments.
January 20, 2016
[3:20a] When you find yourself caring more for animals than people, you can tell yourself it's because animals are innocent and loving, and people are horrible, but that's a self-righteous self-rationalization, disguising a much more sobering truth and I implore you to embrace it. You are wrong on both counts... it is simply that animals reflect an ideal we seek within ourselves that we feel disconnected from, while humanity reflects the darkest aspects of our own nature which we deny. You are right to love animals, but if you find yourself caring for them more than humans, look not to any rationalization, instead seek to be a better listener, and embracer of hard truths... if you cannot respond to a situation compassionately, it is trying to teach you something. Otherwise your self-righteousness will lead to suffering, and your self-rationalization will lead to loneliness... be a caretaker of animals, their spirit is beautiful and loving, like live-in adopted children and therapists all in one... and be a caretaker of humanity, their spirit is a reflection of your own, learn to love and take responsibility for your own triggers. We are One
When I was 10 years old, this song came out (Billie Jean)... back when Michael Jackson was known simply as an extraordinarily unique and rare talent, and Whitney Houston was a gorgeous ideal of a vocalist to me.
We either die a hero, or live long enough to become a villain. That a before i in villain always messes with me... but that's neither here nor there... three dots are fun to type, apparently e's are as well, because i double 'e' often it seems... I should just keep them in, I could be channeling ee cummings and not even realize it. they say life is a dance, but i think they're wrong, you are the dance, the dancer is merely a reflection.
[4:41a] The Scorpions were the pinnacle of what a hair band had to offer the world of music... probably because they actually started long before the hair metal generation as pure metal with melody, but not simply style over substance... but they were close enough to be pulled into the orbit of crap hair metal in the '80s and so they are often remembered that way, but the quality of their music cannot be denied.
January 19, 2016
[6:41p] Some people live within the lines, you ask them, "What is pizza?" And they respond with, an Italian pie... dough... they name a pizza place, they say yummy, or good... now technically those are acceptable answers, but I'm looking for something else... if you asked me what is pizza, I might answer something like, pizza is an edible and elliptical dream, or a promise... particle accelerator for cats... something imaginative... I am never looking for others to give me facts, I can find facts on my own... but what I am always looking for is light, is hope, is imagination, is the alchemy of the soul, that twist of observation that tells me, I am more than inculcation, ego facts and conformed perfection... I am a molder of madness, of flexible forms, of malleable norms, of amorphous meanings, and endless stream of consciousness streams... I am emboldened with passion and a quest for the heart's flight! when I say to you thusly, quoting Willy Wonka quoting the great poet O'Shaughnessy:
We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;—
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.
*the phrase movers and shakers originated here.
[7:15p] Death metal versions of Christmas songs are a Revelation.
[7:29p] Some believe that God had you be born into a specific religion on purpose... Judaism for example. Others believe that God merely created the system by which religions are created to man's benefit, and does not in fact choose the interpretations and execution of such right here on Earth, that is man's doing... and that system is divined from necessity in treating a very real sense of need to connect with the divine through symbolism and the function of a human system that God did design in some fundamental way. Then there are those who believe these physiological systems arise out of necessity, and the instinct to survive in light of 5 extinction events through history, perhaps remembered in nature's DNA, and pushing towards a human result, in an effort to save itself... but whatever you believe, either these origin stories or some others, obligations, inculcations, so many years of religious influence... one I believe must listen to what is right for themselves... and that to believe what you are told without question is to disrespect the very neocortex, that center of critical thought within us to seek and find truth and knowledge, that gift some would say is given by God... so why is it those who believe in God so often are the ones who do not wish for man to exercise his god-given abilities? I find that curious....
(to be continued...)
[7:41p]When you fill your mind with the universe, your head may begin to spin, but open your heart to the universe and it all slides gently in.
January 16, 2016
[1:29a] Childhood is believing everyone cares about you, Adulthood widdles it down to the very few who actually do.
[10:17a] New Poem:
There Is Sometimes (1/16/2016)
[12:54p] Between the desert mountains and the Sea of Gallilea, there lies a bridge that is now broken, deep inside of me. Through ablutions of tears and rain, fire and wind, hell and back again. To run from truth to fancy another, each touch sliding through me like polished stones from one hand up and on down to another.
I don't know what I expected to find when I went searching. Curiosity killed the cat. The angels fly in the caverns of faith where the faithless die.
[1:25p] I call them butterlanders instead of butterflies, because while they can land gracefully, soft as butter, their flight is drunken and insane, bouncing off fences, almost blind, they need their licenses revoked...
January 15, 2016
[6:47a] The first song that pushed me to embracing my dreams of singing, of writing my own music was "Mission" by Rush. The family was driving in the car to Pete's Pizza (I think was the name), in downtown Los Altos around 1985... the album came out 4 days before my 13th birthday, meaning my Bar Mitzvah year. The cassette belonged to my brother Craig and he asked mom if he could put it on, and it changed my life.
I have been a buoy out there on the ocean for many years, but this was an island in the storm that I had landed on and built a home... and it's time to come home. Maybe someday I will have the money to actually do the things I feel in my heart, in the places that fuel my soul, but until that time, I will honor my dreams, these guides, and hope that you can do the same.
2016 has seen a lot of upheaval, and a lot of necessary healing is needed, but there is enough salve, enough love, enough healing, for all of us, if we just recognize that this bowl, this earth, that is so full of life, and chaos, this swirling of energies, is drawn by the momentum of that love, and we are cups floating in this bowl of oceans, like lotus blossoms and we feed on the love and are propelled by the chaos, and with acceptance and the mastery to use these energies, these lessons towards our shared growth, we're going to be okay.
[1:15p] Feign outrage at death, everyone so surprised... but over 150,000 people die every day worldwide. Stop being devastated when a celebrity dies, and start loving all mankind. Appreciate every light.
[2:35p] One of David Bowie's last acts on Earth was to Follow God on Twitter. We live in a virtual universe, and eventually we all must log out. Faith is believing that there is a place beyond this from which we are logged in from or have safe passage to once we shake off this body. Once we die.
January 14, 2016
[1:56p] Is it weird that when my cat died I wanted to keep his tail? But then I realized that's creepy and maybe even unsanitary and delusional so I let it go... but I did just find one of his old whiskers stuck in my pillow and I realized it was a metaphor for him being stuck in my heart... so instead of taking it out and keeping it... I threw out the whisker, cos I don't need a physical reminder for that which is implanted in my soul... but then I realized I didn't actually throw it away, I just wrote that I did, when I had actually stuck it in a little chest on my bookshelf, cos... well... Neptune
[1:35p] I took a nap and dreamed that demons and aliens had quietly invaded our coastal towns and were controlling technology and brainwashing the children into walking out into the ocean and committing suicide... and the whole world had become cloaked in this heavy smog, but no one seemed to notice it anymore... Men in suits in offices had phones grafted to their heads and massive headwounds like some Jeffrey Dahmer brainwashing experiment, and I pretended to sign up for something so I could get close enough to save people being turned... , because I had hidden in nature as the demons and aliens got into position... but it was very hard because I was coming dangerously close to drowning in the process.... that was creepy.... and then I woke up and it was 2016, everyone was online, the civilized world was dying from pollution and cancer, and no one was making a fuss about it... my worst nightmares have become our reality.
[9:07a] A living hero inspires you to dream. A hero dying inspires you to live.
[7:38a] It should be perfectly legal to punch a police officer in the face for stopping you for jaywalking. Don't argue with me, you know I'm right.
We discredit the past to push our own warped perspectives, in the same way that ancient religions bulldozed other cultures to replace them with their own ideologies... but I tell you, no one was perfect, and context and what people understood at the time is crucial... MLK, John Lennon, so many figures who contributed greatly to society, were fallible and made mistakes, but they usually learned and grew through those indiscretions... and we must realize we are standing on the shoulders of giants, and not seek to tear them down, but to understand them, and recognize that most of the things they did, we too have done, yet they are judged because it is so easy to judge what we did not have first hand knowledge of.
So when someone says, I love the song Imagine, don't respond with, yea, but he beat women... like yea, he slapped Cynthia, we don't know what really happened there, and it was a completely time, and we know better now, but so did he soon after... so like all humans he was complex, and imperfect... Imagine is still a beautiful song... no one lives up their ideals unless they simply do not live at all.
January 12, 2016
[3:36a] I can't wait for the day when modern society takes back face tattoos from European DJs and the Federal Prison System.
[4:17a] I cannot find my essential oils... one might say I moved them somewhere, maybe one too many places, or one could say they went exploring... I mean lets be honest... there is no such thing as ownership, because possessions cannot truly be possessed. Sometimes you find them, sometimes you don't... see, things know where we are at all times, but that relationship is not egalitarian whatsoever... if gender can be applied to this
situation and I'm going with yes it can, after all people name boats, and guns, and penises... what was I talking about again?
[6:37a] How do you know that the autocorrects that get through aren't like, divine intervention?
[6:58a] I think I might be one of the very few people who has bragged about writing extensively about moths.
[9:49a] I used to get scared, thinking that people will come and go and none of it matters or means anything, what can I say, I have abandonment issues, but that's not true, because everyone who comes into your life who loves you that you let reach into you, changes you... and that change is real, perhaps it's one of the few things in life that are.
[10:29a] A miracle doesn't save you from death, it reminds you of why you live.
January 11, 2016
Neptune died in my arms this afternoon, in his home by the open window, looking out over a beautiful vista of fresh snow and blue sky... he flew away from his body like a bird set free.
You can view Neptune's webpage here
January 9, 2016
Emotional reactions to the unchangeable past is like trying to chase the smoke from a candle. It serves no purpose, we feel only the flame.
January 8, 2016
Possessed by possessions
How many things do I have to own?
And what are their uses when left alone?
How many wounds left to dethrone,
When the meat has been stripped clean from the bone?
Simplify and slow yourself down
You've lost yourself in the ricocheting sound
Toss, donate, sell, and regain the ground
It's not so hard to go from lost to found
January 7, 2016
My new segment I'd like to simply call: "Like wtf is going on?"
Kanye West and Taylor Swift
Black Lives Matter and Bernie Sanders
Some guy and Sharon Osbourne at the People's Choice Awards
I've noticed an intriguing pattern of African Americans interrupting Caucasians speaking in public.
Is this a byproduct of "White Privilege" ? I guess in the scheme of things, interrupting
is at least an attempt to get involved in the conversation, but equality is equality for all, no?
Are we cultivating entitlement and reverse racism?
I'm thinking if you want to be heard, we should be respectful of each other...
I imagine angels are real, and that their work is in cultivating light in the cosmos, and that work would entail being dispatched to a single human for our entire lifetime, which would not be that long for them, and we would have an open line of communication to one another in order to discuss in some manner, where we're going... the internal diagnostic tool utilizing mindfulness, honesty and awareness to asses all aspects of our being and progress... ie, recognizing how our energy is communicating through our body language, and what it is saying... in essence, what we are silently saying to ourselves at all times... but tend to move too quickly to listen or even hear clearly when we do listen. Once you get to the science, an angel becomes both a reality and a mythical description of scientific processes... one might say this is how religions are forged.
January 5, 2016
Schrodinger's Cat, no box required, and no hypothetical cats are hurt in the process. A cat is always and never looking at you the moment you turn your head to or away from it.
I hate phrases like "Sacred Geometry" or "Holy Land"... I believe geometry is a beautiful thing, like a legend for the map of our neural and energetic pathways, the connectomes and genome of the cosmos... but once you add Holy or Sacred to anything, you give people something to fight for, to kill for, to die for... and I think that only serves to build a wall between us and our lives. It does not keep out our enemies, it keeps out ourselves.
People think it's the best because they like the way it smells, or tastes, etc... but the senses do not understand facts, they only understand appetite. The senses are not intelligent enough to make a sound judgment alone... the candle that smells wonderful might be full of toxins, the food we love might be full of slow poisons, oh they're all legal, but legal has less to do with health, and more to do with wealth... so don't take your senses' word for it... do your own research and arm yourself against consumer tyranny, with the facts.
The more you know.....
*Rainbow across the sky*
She said, "I want you to like me. Not the me who can only say the things you like to hear, those soft feathers of agreement I lay in your stream to ease your soul, or the buffet you pick and choose from, a prize or a goal. The one you love and eschew, but the one who is simply here with you. Sometimes wise, sometimes vulnerable, sometimes knowing, sometimes ignorant, sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful, but always curious and questing, dreaming and perplexing... " and I let it sink in a moment or two, then replied solemnly, "I like you." "Which one?" She shot back without hesitation, and I with equal certitude smiled and replied back pointing to her silently, "That one."
When I look at you thoughtfully and say, "Oooh, that's a really good question..." what I'm really saying is, you're in my home, relaxing on a comfortable couch, not standing outside in the cold, and knocking at the door.
I have the luxury of being my own worst enemy... I thought we were all our own worst enemies really... well, unless you're Jewish in Hitler times, or a rape victim, or Black, or a woman wanting control of her own body, or a girl in the middle east... hmmm, I guess i found my white privilege.
January 4, 2016
What you feel as pain is not the emotions, but the resistance to the emotions. If you stop resisting what you're feeling, you will become the wholeness of those emotions, and recognize their purpose, and then you will be well on your way.
I hate phrases like "Sacred Geometry" or "Holy Land"... I believe geometry is a beautiful thing, like a legend for the map of our neural and energetic pathways, the connectomes and genome of the cosmos... but once you add Holy or Sacred to anything, you give people something to fight for, to kill for, to die for... and I think that only serves to build a wall between us and our lives, it doesn't keep out enemies, it keeps out ourselves.
When you fill a cup with water, it reflects the stars in the sky
Just as when you fill a mind with truth, it reflects the love in your life.
January 3, 2016
God probably intended for me to be famous, cos I need a lot of attention.
But self awareness is the cure, so maybe my mind is not demure,
I certainly can do without all the high maintenance that I have procured.
When you look at a seed, you are looking at the birthplace of the adorable. Seeds are like turtles in hiding, like rolly pollies, like dogs wanting their bellies rubbed... seeds are a beautiful thing.
by Jonathan Berman
I'll be a funnel not a cup
No more worries about the getting,
Lets help others get enough.