May 4, 2018


I never get a big head when someone likes a post of mine, because I assume they liked it to subtly tell me I had a grammar mistake that needs fixing.


May 14, 2018


Linda once told me that she doesn't know why, but she loves chess players but isn't into chess.. and I now look back on that as possibly the most honest thing anyone's ever said, and perhaps even a little courageous. And what I mean by that is that I can relate that to my own life. I grew up an avid reader, and now at 45 I can honestly say I haven't read a book in years, but I love books and what I've gotten from them and how they've helped me to grow a whole world inside myself that helps me in hard times... so like Linda I can say, I love books but not that into reading anymore, and I think, why couldn't I have said that to Linda when she was alive? Well, because I didn't put the two together at the time, but now, looking back, yeah, Linda was that honest and she was that courageous. And goddamn do I love and miss the fuck out of that woman.


May 17, 2018


For those who have loved and lost, the idea of it getting easier over time is a double-edged sword. We know it's true, but a part of us fears it as we see getting easier as a sign that our connection to our love is fading and that guilt begins to not replace the pain but infect it and that is no good either, and perhaps, like me, you look for ways to simplify the table of all things that distract from the diamond of our love within the darkness, like an osyter finding the pearl within the spec of sand... perhaps we create projects to dig our way out of ourselves and into the expression of our love that pervades.


May 20, 2018


In the dark there is no difference in beauty between the moth and the butterfly.


May 26, 2018


The fact that Handmaid's Tale acknowledges the worst aspects of Christianity and the best aspects of Islam... to me this is a spiritual peace offering from human to human... if only more people understood this, perhaps many of our wars could cease.


June 2, 2018


Thinking of Jennifer Lopez's new song "Deniero" which is all about focusing on making money... I find it intriguing that I find it more common for men to dislike this song than women, and I think I know why. You see, men evolving pursue a deeper meaning in life than money, but women see the focus on independence and empowerment in what is generally been a man's world and in many ways suppressing women, in secular and religious circles... so I think the song is primarily written with women in mind, and men should understand this. We must develop egalitarian understanding before we can live egalitarian lives.


June 4, 2018


They say the truth will you set you free, and I don't think people dislike freedom, I think they're just scared, because they've been raised to believe there is much to fear, and a lot of it from within... my mom has worked tirelessly when you think about it, the last years to really show me all that judgment from within is not how we were meant to live... the truth however speaks through all things when we are paying attention. And the truth we are able to listen to creates our world.


We need to be able to disagree without violence and outrage... and the way we do that is by maintaining a goal for understanding, compassion, kindness, and friendship; a shared humanity... because we recognize this is a world of only us, there is no "them" anywhere. There's no excuse for this anymore, we've been cautioned by great writers and thinkers for thousands of years... if you aren't learning this now in the internet age, you don't want to learn and the only Hell you create is your own and the victims you drag with you into the darkness.


June 6, 2018


I admire people who are into True Crime stories and documentaries, because I find them very grounding... I think I've always been fascinated by them, ever since I was a kid... the abnormal psychology of it all, exploring the human mind... exposure of the dark reveals more light... some fall asleep to them, I remember growing up reading giant Alfred Hitchcock Presents stories at the library when I was young, reading about serial killers and poetry and philosophy and plays and beauty from suffering in college... maybe even going back as far as listening to Old Time Radio shows on a tiny AM transistor radio when I was 8... I think this also blossoms of love of creepy pastas and horror films, soundtracks, ambient music, exploration of the mind and our universe...


June 8, 2018


The aesthetics of all things is perfect, which is not to be confused with good. This is why seeking wholeness outside is an illusion, and anything you find to protect your chakras, a pendant, a crystal, anything the zenshop sells is all snake oil... and hey I get it, snake oil sells because we all want to feel a little more connected... a little more whole... but these bandaids are a lie, a placebo at best... when in reality what you are feeling is a byproduct of failing to pursue our own life openly and with acceptance... because if you did, all the hole you think the snake oil will fill will be filled already by the peace you create within... or I'm completely wrong and have no idea what I'm talking about.