|My Dream Archive (Fcbk)
By Jonathan Berman
Dreams speak falsehoods, woven from the energy they find within us, which makes dreams ultimately, quite clearly a mirror of our inner psychology, what hopes, dreams and fears course through us like underground rivers... thus, we can learn about ourselves by reading the intent behind the dream, and not the outward appearances of them.
Dream Sequence (10/7/2016) Sweet Planes & Padalecki
Dream Sequence (9/18/2016) How To Wake A World That Is Sleeping
Dream Sequence (9/15/2016) Stopping Hitler Before He Starts
Dream Sequence (6/14/2016) The Submarine
Dream Sequence (5/5/2016) Hash Hash Hash
Dream Sequence (4/23/2016) Martian Vacay
Dream Sequence (10/7/2016) Sweet Planes & Padalecki
I'm visiting my neighbor who's door is open, he's a up and coming actor, Jared Padalecki lives across the street, and I say I still can't believe Jared Padalecki lives across the street... (this is what happens when you binge watch a few seasons of Supernatural in a week), and I'm having a casual conversation with the guy, he looks at me, and I say to him, oh hey don't get me wrong, you're a good lookin' guy, but just not Jared Padalecki good looking, and he tosses his hair un-phased and says to me, don't you ever censor yourself? I look out the door, and I see written in this glowing pink blended with the clouds in skywriting, Love, like a children's handwriting... and then suddenly about well, exactly 52 stealth planes are in the sky stacked like playing cards, and they look like playing cards, and they're in formation zooming around the sky it's insane to watch... and I say I wish I had my camera, cos they're doing these massive circles and he goes in to get his phone... then suddenly, on the ground at the street level, is what appears to be a large astronaut about 15 feet tall, dressed in silver, and he's gathering up energy, and a little releases, and I see my buddy get pushed backward a few feet. Now the silver man starts to really gather energy, and it's MASSIVE... and I started to go inside my house... and my neighbor yells, Omg, we're all going to be vaporized! And I look back at the silver man, and he's built up so much energy you just see a wall of pink electrical energy around him, and he's about to release it.... and I wake up. The sky writing and the planes were all a distraction to keep us in the area...
Dream Sequence (9/18/2016) How To Wake A World That Is Sleeping
Last night I dreamed that I brought a few friends into a world where plants were trying to kill us, and the only way to survive was to move around them very carefully... and once we were outside the dream, the people didn't realize it, and kept acting more compassionate towards the plants around them, so I just never told them that we had awoken...
Dream Sequence (9/15/2016) Stopping Hitler Before He Starts
Last night I had a very profound, Inception'y dream... in fact I don't know if it gets more profound.. essentially, in the dream I was with Hitler who was sitting depressed on a sidewalk, pining over the past, and what he'd done during the war... and I followed his pain back to an ornate crystal bowl he had broken that belonged to his mother... and I flew threw time, and found the bowl and made sure it never broke... and this stopped all the dominoes from falling which ultimately became the holocaust, time healed, and the war had never happened.
Dream Sequence (6/14/2016) The Submarine
Last night I dreamed that a woman maybe in her 30s or 40s in a mighty submarine came to my shore by my house to save me from the end of the world... I remember I put Neptune in the house, and saved Jupiter and Luna by pulling them out of rich soil planters in the corners of the ship used to grow food... and then we were on our way... and in the central room, it didn't run on a typical engine... it filled with light, and that light was harnessed for propulsion... what I find interesting is how I put Neptune in the house, and he died January 11th...
Dream Sequence (5/5/2016) Hash Hash Hash
In my dream last night I was at a Halloween party and I saw this guy with the nicest outfit on. Like a dark slate wool jacket, rectangular brass belt buckle, jeans with what looked like wide side legs and vertical pumpkin designs inside the split sides... and I asked him where he bought his outfit, and he said casually, "Hash Hash Hash"
Dream Sequence (4/23/2016) Martian Vacay
Last night I dreamed I traveled with other astronauts to Mars, or at least some other new planet we had discovered that we had inhabited and built an infrastructure for... and we could walk around and explore as long as we had access to oxygen within 30 minutes... I had such a good time that I took an un-official trip to show my cat Neptune around, of course as you know Neptune died a day after David Bowie, on January 11th of this year... and at one point I realized out of over enthusiasm that I had forgotten to bring oxygen for us, so as I walked, (not worried, but hurried) to the downtown area to find some oxygen, I remember distinctly keeping my cat's face in a special liquid oyxgen that gave him a little extra oxygen, and then when crossing the street, I blew oxygen into his mouth, and we made it to a little shop that had free oxygen masks on one wall, and we used that and were fine..
Dream Sequence (1/14/2016) The Invasion Begins
I took a nap and dreamed that demons and aliens had quietly invaded our coastal towns and were controlling technology and brainwashing the children into walking out into the ocean and committing suicide... and the whole world had become cloaked in this heavy smog, but no one seemed to notice it anymore... Men in suits in offices had phones grafted to their heads and massive headwounds like some Jeffrey Dahmer brainwashing experiment, and I pretended to sign up for something so I could get close enough to save people being turned... , because I had hidden in nature as the demons and aliens got into position... but it was very hard because I was coming dangerously close to drowning in the process.... that was creepy.... and then I woke up and it was 2016, everyone was online, the civilized world was dying from pollution and cancer, and no one was making a fuss about it... my worst nightmares have become our reality.
Dream Sequence (4/23/2015) Embracing the Singularity
I took a nap and dreamt that the singularity is coming, it is upon us... it had opened this portal as vast as the stars upon the earth and was pouring forth a party of surrealistic bliss, laughing dancing suns, rotating gardens, and dancing pineal glands, the single third eye of humanity as large as the state... and we could go to the open portal pouring light and bliss, but decided to spend a little time in the world having some fun first.... and in that moment I knew I would be fine...
Dream Sequence (3/25/2015) Busride through Time
Waiting for a bus with my sister Shoshana. We checked our coats for some reason, many celebrities together waiting for buses, outdoor kiosk, when we went to the main building I found my coat even though the TSA lady handed me the wrong one I found mine hidden folded beneath a stack... The TSA jackets were the guard prop jackets from Pink Floyd's the wall, but all in fun, and a giant virtual wizard of oz coffee machine served us, and when asked what I want i refused to order anything from the technology monstrosity on principle. I spent the time writing home on scratch paper with a small fountain pen.
Dream Sequence (11/18/2014) A Dream of Dreamers
Last night I dreamed that a girl I always had a crush on when we were kids and felt was way out of my league was really quite lonely, no one just wanted to do things with her, and that's all she really wanted... so we talked and I found out about her heart and her mind and what she really wanted was for someone to go running with her... I asked her how far she ran, she said, "Oh about ten miles a day..." I thought, well maybe that's why no one will run with you... it's too far for most people... but we ran together we walked we ran we talked... I think we often forget that people are just people, they want someone to share with, and though they might have lofty goals, they usually don't mind slowing down, walking awhile, or even changing those goals a little to be with you... we forget a person is not what they do, they are the dreamer longing for the doing.
Dream Sequence (10/5/2014) Save the World
Of all the apocalyptic-themed dreams I've had, last nights was the first in which the world was saved, and it was done so by human ingenuity.
In 1951, they invaded before, appearing as a harmless balloon, NASA saved the day, muddied the water, created a story, several stories, spun a hoax, planted a spaceship, a red herring, so no one would understand the true threat... And now they were back, this time in a Trojan horse meteor, but it wasn't a meteor, only the public thought that, no, they were back, the trans-dimensional aliens, materializing into our space.A famous astronaut, I don't know his name drove his Bentley up the long winding parkway towards the launch area, like a rock star...
At the flat cement, no-nonsense platform, I was there playing with a volleyball, my job with a Bluetooth to send any news updates up to the astronaut, though I wasn't sure what that would entail yet...The astronaut, a white man and another, an African American went up, sitting in a space between the dimensions where the aliens would materialize, what looked like a small motel room, and he took out an odd tool, like a sonic screwdriver, that could replicate material, and he hid a hole in the ground, a stasis leak, a trap, behind a spray of false material that resembled the carpet all around...
The first alien materializes, and the astronaut shoots it with some kind of gun, that petrified it in some kind of liquid metal. Before the next one comes, the African American astronaut somehow slips into the trap, and scrambling too late to get him out, the alien materializes, and wraps the man in many tentacles, squeezing him so tightly, that he is crushed into the shape of a small idol, which is sent back to the alien home world, and sits on display on their own similar looking launch pad, where other aliens are viewing the "prizes".
A massive electrical spike shoots from the heavens, and is seen from earth, I know this is it, what I'm supposed to tell the astronaut about, he is successful, and returns home.
As he approaches smiling, I run over to shake his hand, he looks at me and says, "No thanks", and walks on...The earth is safe once again, and I feel like a total moron.
Dream Sequence (5/30/2014) The Willing Joke
My brain told me this in a dream last night, so I'm repeating. I've never actually heard it said in real life, so being an aspect of me created it in a dream, I feel I can post it.
A joke is only as smart as its audience.
Dream Sequence (5/17/2014) Winning Over The Threat
Last night I dreamed a really tough gang wanted to kill me, and slowly but surely, by the end of the dream and our interactions, I had become part of the family, and it all ended really nicely.
Dream Sequence (4/14/2014) Polar Shift and the Secondary Mind
Tonight, I had a very peculiar experience, one I have truly never had before as much as I can recall... first, I went to bed and slept for what felt like hours... and when I awoke, only 3 minutes of real time had gone by... from then on as I slept I was in some sort of a second mind bubble, in which as long as everything felt wrong, everything seemed right... even when I woke up through the night, I was still within the second mind sleep bubble... relating to the world from within this dream... it was as though the poles had reversed, my mind was channeling everything in reverse, I was completely rewired, it was a profoundly unusual experience that I still cannot truly understand yet.
Dream Sequence (24/11/2014) Cold Case
Last night I dreamed my girlfriend and I were fishing, and we kept flashing through time to a kid fishing with his dad, and every time the kid caught something he would throw it back, it didn't matter how big it was, and the fish would just go back to his world as if he wasn't phased at all.
Then we saw a painting and realized it actually depicted every moment leading up to an accident causing the kid's death, and tried to play it back through the clues in order to prevent it...
We found our way around town at night, and met up with friends who were also involved, at a large hotel in the city, and as we passed a corner we entered a beautifully lit hallway if windows, and a corner open room, and there in bliss amongst the sun, and fans, and food and treats, was my cat. Jupiter looking more contented than I've ever seen any cat ever in real life. He had everything he could possibly want... Sun, fresh air, food, treats, open spaces, a whole hotel of people who love and care for him... and then in the dream I thought, "Wait, what's my cat Jupiter doing here, and I've never seen that ridiculously gluttonous look on his face before, this isn't real..." And then I looked around wondering what I was doing inside this dream hotel, and that's when I woke up.
Dream Sequence (2/26/2014) The Game
Have to get this down real quick before I forget... so in my dream I just awoke from, life was this vast adventure spanning the whole world, on a myriad of levels, and me and several others are playing together, but they're actually just you split into many bodies to get through it more efficiently... but when we finally get to the end with the prospect of going to the stars as the next level, there is no next level.. the game just ends, and we're standing there on this threshold, and thinking, no, this can't be it, there must be something , the game designers wouldn't just let it end, and that's when it occurs to us... what if all this life we've been playing was designed to leave the game in our hands at the end, to teach us how to design the next levels in the game? But how? How will we master the game to transcend the idea of this great distance that separates us from the rest of the cosmos? And at the end of the dream, my mind's eye flew through space past the planets, reaching some new world we were always meant to be... earth was not the end, it was only the beginning.
Dream Sequence (2/04/2014) Island without a Country, Man without a Home
My dream last night was so full and detailed, it felt like a text book of my life, and I woke up unraveling it like a knot, in some desperate hope that it could lead me back home, but instead I wandered out alone, and no one seemed to care, but the strangers across the sea with their beautiful accents and beautiful kindness helped me to forget for a moment that I was drifting, friends I'd known had set sail on their personal voyages without me, friends, family, they had tickets to shows and friends around them with places to go, and me? I had no one, And I wondered how this came to be...
Dream Sequence (1/30/2014) Murder Hookup Hotel
My dreams are far more scary and entertaining than any TV show.
Last night I dreamed that I was in a fancy hotel with a few cvute girls and friends, and they needed me to guess which one liked me. They each wrote something on a piece of paper and I had to guess which one wrote it from that... I remember one of them turned out to be from the guy, but I told him I wasn't gay, we chuckled about it, and soon they all went to bed, I didn't end up with any of them for some reason... then I went upstairs to the large fourth floor bookstore cafe to get a coffee, but some psychos had broken into the hotel and everyone around me started dying, there was some gas that was causing their eyelids to fall off, so they couldn't close their eyes from some kind of neurotoxin that killed you fairly quickly, I ran into a stairwell, but all the stairwells had been filled by the killers with deadly snakes and tarantulas, and cockroaches just for good measure I guess... I remember not being really phased by anything in the dream... the girls were cute, it didn't bother me we didn't hook up, and it didn't bother me the gay guy liked me, I thought they were all cool people, and it didn't bother me too much that the stairwells were full of bugs, I went down the elevator to the outdoor seating area to warn everyone of the danger who were still in the downstairs reataurant and outdoor seating area, incidentally, all walls and ceilings in the hotel were glass and transparent, which I'm sure is meaningful in a dream.... anyway, I got out to the patio, woke up and thought..."The Following seems pretty dull now compared to my dreams."
Dream Sequence (12/22/2013) The Supernatural
Two things i learned from lasts night's dreams:
1. Hold up a spirit object and a mirror to a ghost to see them, pull their reflection out from their energy body in the light and it separates them permanently.
2. Go to the llibrary looking for Thus Spake Zarathustra to get the attention of vampires.
Dream Sequence (11/29/2013) Back To School
Last night I dreamed I went back to highschool, I thought I was doing really well, making friends, going to classes... then at the end of the dream I got my report card and I was failing every class, apparently the one thing I had forgotten to do... was homework!
Dream Sequence (10/12/2013) Our New World
Last night I dreamed God had moved his children to a new planet, and we now lived on a world that was so much more alive, in a large communal building, where emotions change the color of your clothing and you interacted without judgment with alike colors to help balance each other, but what. I remember most was when I realized we were on a new planet. It was when I looked up into the beautiful night sky and saw 3 moons.
Red was a leader, Blue was creative, I tended to be blue, I called blue crazy, girls liked me for that, time with me was no adventure, no games, honest, fun.
I'm trying to remember the stripe color the cute girl I was kicking ball with was wearing, but I can't, in the dream I was too focused on how attractive I found her to notice, but I think she started blue, and shifted to green.
There was also a corridor that was all unfinished wood, and when I started walking down that way a nice guy told me I wasn't allowed back there, it was no big deal, he didn't get mad, and I remember checking his energy several times in the interaction, no negativity, so I went back the other way unconcerned. But I was curious...
I went outside and wandered by some beautiful trees, stick bug was kicking it on the bark, it was beautiful, there was no separation, no negative emotion, just communion...
Dream Sequence (10/11/2013) Follows the Search
Being followed by a man with beady eyes and a sweater, a white sweater with thin horizontal, pastel lines... Down darkened country roads, to the hills, to a cousins house, to a mall.
Camp: me and friends, we all share little motel style rooms. Trying to find someone. Wandering the forest, the floor of bark, the fence around the periphery,, kittens crawling around on a sleeping dog. (That must have been my mind picking up Luna crawling around on my bed trying to get comfortable).
Back to the dorms, looking for you, but you're always with your family and I'm always alone and searching. But it's okay, I know I'll find you, someday.
Dream Sequence (9/13/2013) Shipwrecked
Shipwrecked at the edge of the arctic circle with two beautiful women, and our boat was being held in place simply by a wall of ice that was only locked by a tiny iceflow with rushing water falling off the edge of the earth into oblivion... and the more the water rushed along, the more the vibrations moved it closer to the edge causing the entire flow to race along and us with it. Now the women, who are they? Well, first of all, they're both much smarter than me, I myself representing the male, primal brain, girl laying on floor totally cal,m reading a magazine, the other one making me swim through the water to get her thesis papers on the "non-fertile elements of lava", or in other words, her all-important work on how pregnancy arises in lava... whatever, it was totally over my head and she knew it. She kept advising us that we have to move before the iceflows vanish, the girl on the floor couldn't be bothered, and I kept trying to get her attention, which she assures me I had, but clearly did not, because she lay their nonchalant, legs in the air behind her, engrossed in her nonsense.
The sky, the water, all the colors were so beautiful, the water was not scary or cold, all the colors of deep blues and gradients of black, milky and vibrant. The iceflow was slipping away and I was shouting at the girl to pay attention when I awoke...
Dream Sequence (8/26/2013) He Is Not Right For You
In my dream, I was conversing with a beautiful woman about why the man of her fancy was not right for her because he doubted their love... in response to her accusation I said to her within the dream, nearly an inch from her face, with such ferocity, she was drawn to kiss me, and I so startled by my unique intensity awoke... "Love burns all doubt. It crushes it. It leaves nothing left." Here pressing on through the words like clenched teeth, like an inferno, an unstoppable fire, I had become a human no more, but love speaking for itself... "No residue."
Dream Sequence (6/3/2013) Heaven Is Real
A lot of vague details to the dream, I'm in a convention center or hospital, there has just been a cataclysmic event, either we've met aliens, or it's the end of the world, or both... destruction is everywhere. I'm consoling a girl, I point out the window, far off in the sky is a beautiful vision of a glowing blue strand of galaxy and orange... I don't know what it is, she doesn't care about it... my agent tells me I need to change form into an Asian woman, a model and get dressed, I need to be an example down front... as she changes me into a sheer black dress I feel so naked. A news bulletin begins on monitors, and everyone stops what they're doing to watch this monumental and critical news bulletin. The man on the screen says everyone should not fear the changes, or what's happening... heaven is real and we will all go there soon.
Dream Sequence (6/1/2013) Love Amidst the Holocaust
It's 1942. I'm at the cinema with friends. I go to the restroom where I see a beautiful girl behind the counter, but I'm too shy to say anything. I have all the time in the world... I fall asleep in the movie and dream...
It's 1944. I'm 21, a soldier in hidden trenches within the battered walls of the city at war with the Nazis. We're boxed in, there's no where to go, we make it out of the tunnels, and to the restroom but it's no use, the restroom that once was so pristine is now a shelled out horror, on fire surrounded by the enemy, and we're gunned down.
I wake up with a start, in my seat in the theatre. It's 1942. I just had a premonition of getting killed by the Nazis. I realize I have to do something, I'm going to die in two years. Then I remember her. I run to the consessions, there she is, the most beautiful girl. I run to her at the counter, I tell her I love her, she says she's always loved me, it could work, right?
She's 19, a kid really, I have no right, but as soon as we kiss, I forget about my death, I forget about myself, I'm drunk on desire, first I needed her, now I want her, she's everywhere, and I realize it's not for me, but meant to be. All my roads lead to her. She's the most beautiful creature I've ever known, like a mythical unicorn, she turns black and white to color, two dimensions to three...
And I wake up. It's 2013. And I know exactly what the dream means. It's time to set the past free.
Dream Sequence (2/4/2013) Ghosts and Aliens, The Revolution
In my dream the ghosts were on our side, trying to warn us of the aliens we'd turned into Gods, who we thought were there to help us, were only there to enslave us... and the aliens had invaded in full force, no more behind the scenes... which means the ghosts were also ready to risk being seen, so there were orbs flying everywhere, full bodied apparitions... the aliens took human form and were setting up concentration camps for all humans, I actually killed one in the dream, it was brutal... down at the ocean where humans went to meet the aliens, thinking they were meeting their God, their salvation, they found only death, and I stood at the ocean's foaming shore, everything crystalline, white, blue, grey hues, all depth of color had gone, all was pale, chalky, glittering like puckered wounds... and that is where I met the ghost boy who told me they had tried to work with the aliens, they too had thought they were a divine presence, until it was too late... the ghost boy warned, not to believe in the Gods, but instead to believe in each other, God is within the living, only death is found beyond.
So we ran with the sparks that led us, flying above our heads with direction, not in fascination, but as guides, leading us away from ideological genocide, and back, to reclaim the power we'd once so easily given away.
Dream Sequence (12/30/2012) The Gods From Another World
A cop stops me, he asks me what I'm doing. I say I will go get my bike and be right back, apparently something happened to my home and it wasn't my fault, I wound up on the street living a less than "by the book" life. Interesting because I always tell people the way I saw it happened, that I ran away from home after my sister to protect her, that it was my choice... Anyway, I'm headed down a long road to get my bike, though I'm also sure it's not my bike, and there's very large creek and waterway running alongside the road, and I see dead bodies piled all along the further shore. I stop and I ask someone I see moving if they are alright... Apparently they challenged the Gods to a fight and their Gods killed them all. Suddenly, my interaction with these people alerts the Gods who appear before me and say I am breaking an eons age treaty with our worlds to not interact together, and was I asking to challenge the Gods to a fight. Btw, this entity I am speaking to resembles a tree bark laden creature abut 200 feet tall, it's hard to tell, with glowing eyes like suns...
I say if I took that challenge what would it solve? Your people would die, my people would die, and I respect you too much to put you in that position. The Gods vanished and I found myself at a cave wall, which pulled me through the wall,and into another world... But it was a video game version of me I am but watching myself n the third person playing of myself in the game also in the third person twice removed, where I find the bike, see the game world is a model of the cave system I was in earlier, leave the game, where I was fighting dragons incidentally... and once out again, wake to find my kitten nibbling on my hand.
Dream Sequence (8/06/2012) Archimedes
My family is over for a visit, but they're Asian, and when they leave and I'm outside, all of a sudden there are feathers falling from the sky...
And as we look up, I see there is a giant black tear in the sky that the feathers are pouring through. Enormous, the size of states... wooden bridges lead from the ground ever upward and out of sight towards the black hole, but they are entirely covered in feathers, nothing shows but the white feathers... and suddenly, everything is completely covered in white feathers, the bridges, the earth, everything, there is nothing but feathers as far a the eye can see in every direction, there are only feathers covering the earth towards the horizon causing the world to feel very small, the sky to feel very low...
Someone with me says, "It's Archimedes.". He is reading a notice left on a boulder also completely covered in white feathers which says, "Have faith, I will not leave you.". There is more but I don't believe I remember or heard the rest... I am looking ou at the endless horizon of white feathers covering everything, towards the horizon, and then lookin up towards the gin bridges leading up, and I ponder the dizzying height and awaken...
Dream Sequence (4/30/2012) The Sun
As ordinary as taking a drink order while flying across the sun, that’s the journey of our lives.
She was a mythical creature, and I was her charge. The sun was dying, and our group was carried in her claws. She flew mightily, she flew fast, the sun licking up at as as we soared past….
At times I saw the glory from far away, a white brilliance revolving slowly in the heaven, at other times she was black, and covered by shadow, or blood-red, hazy and fallow.
We left the city, with the sun at our side, and now she loomed below us like a molten bride, tiny fingers of flame caressing our sides… The heat was no bother, this close to the sun, it was a majesty granted to no one, and yet, there we were, witnessing this impossible, indescribable glory…
And then like a roller coaster she dipped and picked up speed, down along the corona, around her body, teasing from below, I could feel everything, the roll of her body, the acceleration, the gaping maw of fire… And still, we flew around the sun, my guardian and I, the winged angel.
I knew nothing of our destination, but death was always at our back, the gravity making love to me from afar, and the fiery reality of the seductive star, always calling us forward to some new adventure.
Dream Sequence (4/4/2012) The Canyon
I trekked beyond the city limits to a canyon road where you can see forever. Beautiful and majestic mesas rose like ancient forests into the clear blue sky in the land where people lived free. The sound of native American chanting could be heard amplified in the canyon, but you could not determine the direction or distance. And no one judged you here in this sacred space. The land itself was chaste, and birds danced above tree tops like fireworks. Little stages were set up for anyone to perform, and there were concerts all day of different sizes, people sold things, but money didn’t matter, and things were given freely eventually. People in groups roamed full of light to heal those they met on the road… And as the sun was going down, the sun was coming up, and I had to get back, you see I’d just woken up… And I thought to myself, what wonderful place did I see in my dream? And what have I been wasting my time on all these years with this going on just below my feet?
Dream Sequence (12/X/2011) The Island
All my life I was getting into trouble… the cops were called in. I was chastised and returned like a small annoying fish to a pond. One day I guess I went too far and I was eventually removed from the pond, the city life, and I was taken up into a spaceship planet above the Earth where I could be supervised.
The policeman was friendly enough, he walked with me explaining this new community, from the corner of my eye I saw my cat Neptune walking amongst bookshelves…
In this new community that resembled a beautiful small island, lived many types of people from all over the world. The grass was lush, small huts and gardens embraced the near shoreline.
Children played with each other, children from all over the world, natives from India, and Peru, and China, and many places I simply did not recognize, but I did not feel a part of their games; I was alone.
I felt shunned by them all for what I had done on the planet below, and one day I saw some monks having some kind of a ceremony and I quietly snuck in and sat down in the back, hoping I could be accepted by them, but one noticed me right away and made me leave, giving me angry condemning looks all the while.
Whenever I saw them they gave me dirty looks, but all I wanted was to… I didn’t know what I wanted, and they shooed me away again and again.
Time passed, feeling despondent, sad, alone, unwanted, when I went down to the shore to just get away from it all, the water was beautifully clear, shallow, and rocks glistened below the surface of the water like treasure, it was stunning and… suddenly a small girl no more than six years old ran into the water right in front of me and was hit by a bus and killed instantly; I cried out profoundly at the loss of this innocent child.
I bowed my head, unable to rise for some time before turning back to the shore. From this point on I didn’t care whether I was unwanted, I didn’t care that the communities ostracized me. I didn’t care about anything anymore, my view of everything had been changed. I understood how the small thoughtless actions in my life had hurt others, and I knew I could not live like that anymore.
When I saw the monks again a long while later they were all in a row singing, some new ceremony had commenced. I figured they still didn’t want me around, and I received more condemning stares, but this time I did not judge them, I did not feel hurt by them, they did not sting, the loss of that child forever stained upon my heart, I did not want anything anymore except perhaps to be free of the suffering for what I had done to deserve their condemnation, and to atone for making so many people’s lives so hard for so many years. I came closer, and before I knew it they had moved in a circle around me, but not for me, with me, and I found myself standing before the leader of their community… it was then I understood, they had been waiting for me to want to change, and I had come home.