|Bad Jokes, But original
By Jonathan Berman
Two jokes I wrote when I was 13 in Santa Cruz, Ca circa 1985
1. What do you call a man having sex with a brand new filing cabinet while riding a bicycle?
2. What do you get when you cross a felafel with a philosopher?
A Greek Philosophy
What do you call a fetus having a temper tantrum?
What do you call it when a man dreams about fruit flavored carbonated sodas?
A Fanta Zzz
What do you call a Chaka Khan impersonator?
A Chaka Con Artist
Darkness is the sound of one light bulb clapping.
Q: Did the Buddha believe in God?
What do you call a mythical horse that drives the bus?
How many che's?
Two of 'em.
A typical conversation amongst trees on the lane...
"I don't mean to create any shade, but I don't understand what makes you think you're so popular!"
"I said I'm a Poplar!!! A Poplar!!!"
9. (3/16/2014) A few Jewish jokes
Jews aren't allowed to eat pork, which is why hamsters make such great pets for the Israelites.
What do you call a short person who has to sit on top of the Torah at the table?
10. (5/09/2014) Smart Crime
Are criminal owls Whoodlums?
Someday we will discover that doornails haven't been dead at all, they've just been waiting for their moment to shine.
11. (9/11/2014) The Lesser of Two Eeevils
When the dodgeball beetles pick teams, they always have to choose between the lesser of two weevils.
~Jonathan and Linda
12 . (1/12/2015)
The song "One Headlight" could never work on an episode of Friends, because you know in every episode you're going to see at least two.
On the weekends I like to go down to the park, find lonely looking bees and let them sting me so they can look tough in front of their friends.
Hey! When I said I enjoyed Blackened salmon, I didn't mean for you to spill 50,000 gallons of crude oil into the Yellowstone River!
vintage tension lamps... are retired stripper poles.
When stuffed animals get into trouble, it's a real emoji-ency...
Why do artists always die at the dinner table?
Because they eat the palate cleanser.
If you're at a Jewish friend's house and see all the Recorded Shows on their TV have a [K] next to them, it means "Keep Forever", it doesn't mean the show is Kosher... unless you're in a Hasidic household than maybe...
I refuse to sleep with the TV on, I feel like that's just letting the terrorists win.
Asian women are just salamanders that learned how to talk.
Plantar Fasciitis is when fascist dictators have a green thumb, Hitler, being a painter was more of a Painter Fasciitis.