My World of Warcraft Poem (2005)
By Jonathan Berman

1000 Needles or Die!

My World of Warcraft Poem in Dr Seuss style

JMB ©2005

Embarking on a new adventure,

For fortune and glory go I

To face the darkest perils,

1000 Needles or die!


So off and away, I flew, nearly fell.

Down the Giant Lift, and down into hell.


I spelunked in a cave in the Contested Hub!

I lingered and bathed in a Galak bath tub.

I searched long for herbs, but found only this:

The map upon viewing was shaped like a penis!


I cried too distrought to understand why

Why Blizzard would do this to mine innocent eye.

So back to the Galak cave fast did I flee!

With my Aussie friend, Sarathi, for some farming XP.


Now farming alone, til my friend comes to meet me

When I looked at her profile, only a ghost there to greet me!

I asked with concern, what fate left you berift?

Sarathi had fallen right off of the lift!


So deep in my cave, I waited for her

Farming and farming til I could farm no more!

I said Sarathi love, what keeps you away?

She said, "pirates and ninjas! i'm having a debate!"


So I let out a laugh as she slowly explained

Whether alliance were more like ninjas or pirates -

(Indeed she must be insane).


But I laughed and forgave like a good Tauren would

Cos I know Im overpowered and isn't it good.


Sooner then later we were reconciled

We grinded and quested, we farmed and were tested

By gankers who came at us from every degree,

We fought for our right to be lowbies and free!


By the end of the day we were ready to retire,

I changed into wolf form and danced by the fire

With Sarathi dancing close in the late afternoon,

I bid all on Earth a good night, and on Azeroth too.


Sarathi and I hit up the Shimmering Flats

for some racetrack romance.

It was a questing, sweltering, battle of wills dance!


She wanted to roll on all the loot dropped.

While I always skipped after a win, saying one is enough.

But she was determined to her logic be damned!

Stating the dice simply hate you, see I am the man!


Our friendship was rocked by this difference of thought.

I thought if we cannot agree on this, what else have we got?

Then I realized quickly like hopeful men will.

If i disband from the group I won't be able to kill.


Just kidding I mused, I'd miss her too much

Even though she's an Aussie and takes all my stuff!

She blinked to an unknown part of the globe

I wondered why not wait for me? Wherever did she go?


Then I saw she was getting so incredibly ganked

Not once, twice, not three times, but over and over again!

So I knew where my lady had rushed for to see!


The Hell's Kitchen of Azeroth, you guessed it: STV